The Order of the Phoenix is gathering again. The war against the dark wizard Grindewald seems minor to what is advancing now. A new Dark Lord is on the rise, ready to kill all the mudbloods out of his way, and become the greatest sorcerer in the world. He is getting more followers by the day and getting stronger with each passing month, Spies are getting bolder and are more of them then ever seen before in Hogwarts alone. But will he succeed? Make sure that you destroy him, together with the Order, or be doomed to get killed by his hand.
MM, let's go backinto the past;;
Month
November
Remember, remember the 5th of November
Guy Fawkes tried to blow up parliament and so, every year on the date of his death, we continue to condemn him (or celebrate him depending on your point of view) to his fiery hell by placing a replica of Guy on top of a huge pile of wood and then setting it on fire. We have some drinks, enjoy ourselves and then watch the sky as fireworks fill our eyes. So yeah . . . just another excuse for a party! Wooooo!!
Points people! Points! A new school year and new points to add!! Congratulations to SLYTHERIN! For winning last years school cup!
And well done to the ORDER! For fending off those Death Eater attacks!
Now lets see what next year holds for us all!
Revamping much?
If any of your on going threads get moved by mistake just PM Cissa, Meda, Lena or Dorcy, and we'll be able to get your topic back in a jiffy!
Joined: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 190 Karma: 0
I would recognise your shadow in a crowded room « Thread Started on May 28, 2009, 12:45pm »
le 25ième Mai
Cette sera mes inscription finale dans mon journal usé. Tu sais comment il est endommagé et plein de memoires et je pense que c'est le plus beau le léguer et l'omettre dans le sol de mon coffre, avec cettes lettres inoccupées. Je devrais les jeter mais je ne peux pas..
C'est le temps pour quelques choses nouveaux. Tout les inscriptions sont en français et je ne suis pas juste en France maintenant. Pourtant, c'est agréable, savoir ne peuvent personne le lire, mais, vraisemblable, je devrais scribouiller en anglais plus souvent. Et alors.. cette sera mes inscription finale en ma langue maternelle. Des ouvertures nouvelles patienter.
[Loose translation - don't kill me if I make any mistakes in french, I haven't actively written french for two years..
May 25th
This will be my last entry in my old diary. You know how tattered and old and full of memories it is and I was thinking it would be best to just leave it behind and stuff it down at the bottom of my trunk together with those unopened letters I keep there. I should just throw them away but who am I kidding, I can't.
But it's time for something new. All these entries being in french and I'm not even in France now. Though it's pleasant to know no one can read it, probably, I should learn to write English more. So.. this'll be my last entry in my mother's tongue. New beginnings await.]
Joined: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 190 Karma: 0
Re: I would recognise your shadow in a crowded roo « Reply #1 on May 28, 2009, 12:56pm »
May 28th
I bought a new diary in town and here I am, back in the dorm with the curtains closed around me for the privacy I always so desperately crave for when I'm writing in my diary. I'm not quite sure where to start. This feels more like a new beginning than anything else I've been through this year, really.. It feels positively insane that I should give myself a 'new start' at the end of the year. Then again, have I ever been normal at all? Well, let's just start with introductions anyway..
So I'm Endeavour. Terrible name, isn't it? It meant 'to attempt' or 'to strive'. Who in the wide world would name his child like that. Was I just an attempt? Or do they just want me to attempt, but don't they care what the result of that attempt is? I don't know. All I know is that I was, in fact, an accident, but they didn't name me Mésaventure, did they now? Either way, I just introduce myself as Endy. I like that name much better. Not Andy, by the way, Endy. With an E. It's got this Elfish ring to it, to me at least, even though you can't really hear the difference between Andy and Endy. To me, there's a difference.
Either way, I'm fifteen years of age now and I've been at this school, my seventh school in five years, for almost a year now. It's nice. I like the castle a lot and the surroundings are absolutely magnificent. I haven't made a lot of friends throughout the year, just some acquaintances which mostly grew from partnerships and projects, but yesterday I met someone which just might become a friend. I'm not sure if I should even tell you about him yet, what if I just misjudged and I'll read this back with regret some day? No, I won't tell you of him yet. I'm going to continue reading my book now.
Joined: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 190 Karma: 0
Re: I would recognise your shadow in a crowded roo « Reply #2 on Jun 22, 2009, 8:30pm »
June 20th
'They love themselves so little that they just can't imagine that someone just might like them, just like that, for who they are by nature. So they show themselves the way they think they will be liked. They show a preformance of themselves. Every day. They keep themselves small. It hurts them, and yet they let it happen.' - Arthur Japin
I read that in a book three weeks ago. I had to think of it because, today, I made a friend. No acquaintance or a partner for a project. An actual friend. I know it for sure this time, as she asked me and I accepted and we shook hands. I have a friend. She's called Crystal and she's one of the most wonderfully random people I have ever met. And I'm jealous of her hair and eyes.. And face. And courage. And stuff. I'm not sure if I should be happy or not, as this year's almost over, but still.. it still feels as though I have gained something this year.
I haven't seen the boy from my last entry since, so I suppose I should be glad I didn't elaborate too much. There's loads of, hm, boys around but I see no point, I suppose. Adrian's letters stopped a few weeks back and I'm glad. I still kept them all. I'm actually wondering what he wrote me. Would have have pleaded? Would he have send me angry words? To hurt me for ignoring him? Or, perhaps, did he find another boyfriend to fool around with and did he send me the news. To see if I would get jealous or if I'd be hurt? It would sound like something Adrian would do. He do anything to either get to me or lure me back to him.
I wrote my parents today, asking them if they could have the piano tuned by the time I come home. I'd very much like to play it when I'm home and I can't stand how the tunes are off key sometimes. Doesn't seem that I'll have any guests coming over these holidays, anyway. Unless Adrian decides to drop by. Gods, I hope not..
Joined: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 190 Karma: 0
Re: I would recognise your shadow in a crowded roo « Reply #3 on Jun 27, 2009, 1:51pm »
June 23rd
'The only thing that I know is that I don't know anything' - Socrates.
Stupid, stupid, blasted, insane idiot that I am. I just came back from my second exam and I was relieved. I thought I'd done well, I knew most of the answers anyway. There was a letter for me and I've been stupid enough to open it without checking the sender or the seal that marked the envelope. Well, this is the letter, anyway, I suppose it speaks for itself. (Mental Note to Me: I put it in here with a permanent sticking charm, you can't rip it out, it won't work, just leave it be, you can't escape it anyway..)
Ofcourse I remembered the parchment as soon as I saw it. Adrian's parents always bought him this special kind. It's thicker than usual parchment and absorbs the ink without it running through the fiber too much. It's expensive. It's typically Adrian. Just like that aristocratic handwriting of his which I pretend to loathe while I actually think it's so immensely classy.. I can't believe I'm not over rid of him yet. I can't believe it. I thought I had been hurt enough by him to hate him. I should burn his letters, I should run away and never go home, I shouldn't even answer him. Oh, who am I kidding, this is not going to work. I can't escape this even if I wanted to.. Better just answer, what should I write?
'Hey Adrian,
yeah, sorry I didn't reply to your letters but I was too busy trying to forget about you. I'm not too happy you're still all interested in me, seeing as you're just an arrogant bastard, but I suppose a week of fucking someone would be nice for a change - I'll just pretend it's not you.
x En'
Oh, yeah, that would go down so well.. I feel so childish for whining about this in a diary. It's what girls do, isn't it? Even though I'm technically half a girl, I suppose..
It strikes me how Adrian keeps trying. That's what makes it worse. I thought the attraction he once had over me was purely physical, but now he's actually trying. I wonder what made him so desperate, as it sure as hell can't be me. He could never be what I search for in a boyfriend, mentally, at least, but he just doesn't give up. I thought he had given up, but apparently he just started writing letters to my parents in stead. I thought my ignoring-plan was working and now I only made it worse by not replying to all those letters of his. I thought he would forget about me fairly easy, but Adrian seems not to be the giving-up-just-like-that type after all.. And he did an extra English course? I thought he wasn't into doing things for people he fucked with. I thought it was just sex. Maybe he's just playing around again. Maybe he'd pretending he cares, as always, to lure me into his bloody sheets. I am such an idiot.. I need advice. I really need advice.. I feel like I'm being strangled. Who do I talk to, though? I know I said I have made a friend last entry (which I now feel a little silly about..), but I can't just go bothering her. She doesn't even know half the story. This is so painful.
Joined: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 190 Karma: 0
Re: I would recognise your shadow in a crowded roo « Reply #4 on Jul 4, 2009, 9:54pm »
June 27th
'When they were all tired of blind-man's buff, there was a great game at snap-dragon, and when fingers enough were burned with that, and all the raisins were gone, they sat down by the huge fire of blazing lags to a substantial supper, and a mighty bowl of wassail, something smaller than an ordinary wash-house copper, in which the hot apples were hissing and bubbling with a rich look, and a jolly sound, that were perfectly irresistible.' - Charles Dickens
Because of the exams, I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this Adrian-problem. I know it's a little sad, but sometimes, I feel like this diary is all there is to listen. Ofcourse, that's bollocks. Ofcourse it is. All I have to do is walk up to Crystal, right? But I won't, I'm sure she has more than enough to worry about with the exams going about. Wouldn't want to cause her another headache.
I wrote a reply to Adrian's letter, but I know I'll never send it, anyway, so here it is (it's kinda long, if you can't read it, my hand cramped up..) It's not so much a reply to his letter. It's a reply to himself, actually.. But he'll never read it anyway, unless he reads my diary and then I will seriously castrate him and skin him alive before I pull out all his teeth and smash his skull. (There's many more a thing I would like to do to him and none of it is good, but let's not elaborate on that for now..)
You always had hands like apples. Red, sinful, silky apples. No matter how you touched me, or why for that matter, or where, I would yield. I am not at all surprised that Adam and Eve were seduced by apples - not if they were like your hands. Your hands contained everything. Sometimes they blushed, sometimes they were sour, sometimes they were ever so sweet. In the end, they were overripe and sour and rigidly silent even though not that much time had passed. I just try to remember the times when both our hands were still on the brink of maturity, like apples not quite ready to be eaten yet. And we couldn't wait and we didn't mind the clumsy, sourish aftertaste because of lack of practise.
But, as time goes by, apples rot and are eaten away by all kinds of mould and other nasty bugs. Maybe because I grew quiet. Maybe you thought I had something to hide. Maybe because I said no to your advances sometimes. If you did, you hid it for a long time, because even as I was quiet for a some time already, you devoured my heart like the sweetest apple alive. The juice running down your chin, you were greedy, but then, I guess, apples are a fruit of sin. I thought it was love. Stupid me. Were you trying to eat everything away so you could find my secrets? Did you think that if you would pull me apart fibre by fibre that you would finally get me to do your every bidding again? You consumed the pulp with so much enthusiasm, I believed the lie of love. I swallowed the bittersweet potion and never wondered why something seemed off about it (and if I did, I banished the thoughts back to a forgotten corner in my mind). Like spiked punch you're trying to ignore because you don't want to seem a fool in front of the other boys at the christmas dance. (You know I can’t hold my liquor, I always end up sick.) I wanted to believe so badly and I didn't realise that you would stop enjoying my taste once you'd gotten to the core. No one eats the core of an apple. I did once, it's bitter and fibrous and unpleasant in so many ways. You stopped tasting me once you left me hollow. I think it was your insatiable eating that made me start being quiet in the first place.
And then it was gone. You had eaten it all, took it from me. No, I let you take it. It seems my fault all the same. Every time when I curse you in my head, I can hear you object. I know it's your fault. You took too much and never returned anything. It hurt me and that only made me rot away quicker and that only made you want me less. You took too much. Every time you came and had excuses, every time I would try so hard. So hard to stay mad at you, because you deserved it. And you would touch me with those hands of yours. I would melt. I would smell cinnamon in your hair and would liquefy, even though I would know where you got that smell. I would pretend to stay mad a little longer, but you would plead that you needed me and that it had just been sex. It hadn't been just sex. I had been just sex. What you had told me was ‘just sex’ had been tasting. Tasting and testing other men's apples and trying to find one sweeter than mine. I had always been just sex. I had always just been something you could consume for your own good. You devoured all of me, well.. all that you liked, anyway. When it all was gone, when the novelty wore of, when I grew quiet because I was starting to realise who you were, I was just garbage. I was just leftovers, in case there was no real food around and you got hungry.
I have left you a year ago and those letters of you keep coming. I’ve never read any of them. This one was an accident and I don't intend on replying to it.
I want to call you terrible names, but none would cover what I feel. I had hoped so much that you would have stopped writing by now. Why are you still? You’re just alone right now, aren’t you? Holidays just started there and I bet you got dumped. I hope you are. Gods, I hope you are. I hope it was cruel. I hope I never see you again, but if I do, I hope you’re hurt when I see you and when you see me. I hope you’re hollowed out like you consumed me. We'll see this summer.. I also hope you realise I would never cry over you. I don’t feel guilty saying this. I don’t, because I don’t care anymore. You wouldn’t have cared. Oh, maybe a little, like a child when his toy breaks but he knows that he’ll be able to get a new one. There are more apples on the tree where mine came from, aren’t there?
I sincerely hope you’ll get a poison one.
Goodnight. I'm so tired. All this frustration coming out can't be good, I feel like a walking zombie, all numb after an overload of emotion.
Joined: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 190 Karma: 0
Re: I would recognise your shadow in a crowded roo « Reply #5 on Jul 9, 2009, 12:05am »
July 5th
"I've noticed your hostility towards him ... I ought to have guessed you were friends." - Malcom Bradbury
I met Severus Snape today. No, I don't mean in the passing-each-other-in-the-hallway-sense. I actually met him. It was.. quite nice actually. Can't imagine why that Black-kid and his minions would be so mean to him. Arrogant creatures.. Black reminds me of Adrian too much. He's so used to having things going his way. He's so used to having the ground he walks upon kissed. Arrogant prat. I'm scared of him.
I'm tired. Off to bed. One more quote for today.
"Friends are just enimies who don't have enough guts to kill you"
Joined: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 190 Karma: 0
Re: I would recognise your shadow in a crowded roo « Reply #6 on Jul 27, 2009, 12:52pm »
July 20th
'If one day you feel like crying, call me. I don't promise that I will make you laugh, but I can cry with you. If one day you want to run away, don't be afraid to call me. I don't promise to ask you to stop, but I can run with you. If one day you don't want to listen to anyone, call me. I promise to be there for you but also promise to remain quiet. But one day if you call and there is no answer, come fast to see me. Perhaps I need you.'
Found this quote somewhere, touched me. Sorry for my curd sentences, but I'm on the train and the damned thing moving makes writing rather hard at the moment. I'm going home first hopefully I, then to Calais to pick up Severus. He's agreed to spend some time at my place.. I'm not sure whether to be happy or ashamed. I'm not even sure if he sees me as a friend, actually.. I hope he does. Still, I'm happy he's coming. I'm ashamed because, well.. I was rather desperate to have someone home apart from Adrian being there. Because I was s I feel like I'm using him Severus. I'm not, I'm not. I genuinely want him to spend the holidays with me, but a voice in my head's just telling me I invited him because I'm scared to be alone. I'm not, right?
Joined: May 2009 Gender: Female Posts: 190 Karma: 0
Re: I would recognise your shadow in a crowded roo « Reply #7 on Aug 20, 2009, 3:55pm »
August 20th
'Venimus huc cupidi multo magis ire cu(pi)mus.' 'Desirous, we have come here, much rather we'll leave again.' - Graffiti in Pompeii
Holidays went (are going) by without that much events. It was nice to have Severus around, though we had an awkward moment or two. [may be edited as topic progresses] Almost time to go back to school yet, I can't wait. I can't want to be out of here and back there. I wonder what this year will be like.
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